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Connecting With Kids

New Ways Of Getting To The Root Of Things

By Catherine Heatley September 13, 2019

So now that school is back in the swing of things, how’s it going? The older they get, the harder it can be to connect with your kids. Getting information about what they’re going through can feel like pulling teeth, no matter their age. Keeping the lines of communication open with your kids is so important though, and one of the easiest ways to do that is by finding out about their day. Are they having a hard time in class? Suffering from peer pressure? Low self-esteem? The victim of bullying? Or perfectly fine, but just not a big talker? It might be hard to really know if you never ask, but the WAY you ask can make all the difference. 

Many of us ask the classic “how was your day?” But some experts say this simple question isn’t constructive. It offers an easy out by inviting a “fine,” or “OK” response. But unless your child feels 100% confident and comfortable going into the specifics, that might be all you get. Does a shoulder-shrug and a mumbled “fine” really answer the question? Does it tell you everything you need to know? 

Sometimes “fine” really means “fine.” As in, not terrible but not incredible. But there’s probably a lot more to it, and a daily check-in with your kids is a great way to cultivate a healthy relationship with them and let them know you’re interested. You don’t have to give them the third degree (‘cause that’ll go well), but try some of these or come up with your own:

  • What was the coolest thing you learned today?
  • What was the funniest thing that happened today?
  • What was the nicest thing someone said to you today?
  • What was the nicest thing you did for someone else today?

All of these inspire positive self-thinking and can even help reinforce values like selflessness, leadership, and a service-mindset. If you’re concerned that your child might be experiencing difficulties at school but you aren’t sure how to bring it up, try some of these on:

  • What was the worst thing that happened today?
  • If you could do it all over again, what one thing would you change?
  • What was the hardest thing you did/learned about today?

Just be sure to offset these with some positive thinking as well. If your child had a tough time, you want them to feel comfortable admitting that without reinforcing the negative aspects of their day. Have a little fun with these conversations! From toddlers to teenagers, you can learn a lot about your kids just by asking.